325: Andy Murphy

Fonz Mendoza: 0:30

Hello everybody and welcome to another great episode of my EdTech Life. Thank you so much for joining us on this wonderful day and, as always, wherever it is that you're joining us from around the world. Thank you, as always, for your support. We appreciate all the likes, the shares, the world. Thank you, as always, for your support. We appreciate all the likes, the shares, the follows. Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback and the wonderful emails. It just really means the world to us.

Fonz Mendoza: 0:52

As you know, we do what we do for you to bring you some amazing conversations, and today I am really excited about our guest today, andy Murphy, who is known as the Secure Dad or the Secure Dad website, where parents can go ahead and visit that website and learn more about safety, not only home safety, but also child's protection, and that's what we're going to be talking about. With this world that is inundated with tech, with phones, devices and so much screen time, today's conversation is definitely something that I know that the parents that I work with will definitely appreciate, so I would love to welcome to the show Andy Murphy. Andy, how are you doing today?

Andy Murphy: 1:35

I'm doing great. Fonz, thank you so much for the opportunity to hang out with you. I really do appreciate you and what you're doing. I've been looking forward to this all day, for us just to be able to sit down and talk about this, because I know you are very educated in this space. So I get to have like a higher level conversation today and I really am looking forward to it. Oh well, you've set the bar high, Andy.

Fonz Mendoza: 1:55

So hopefully we can definitely have that conversation. But before we get started, Andy, one thing that I do want to say also is I'm really thankful for you too as well, because I do want to say that we have known each other for probably going on two years, or maybe a little bit over Thanks to Dylan Schmidt, you know and, of course, learning more about podcasting and connecting and so on. So I'm very honored to have you on the show and obviously amplify your voice and amplify your expertise in what you see, because, as I follow you on social media too as well, I'm like I'm continually learning from you and I'm continually learning from your guests. So, guys, everybody that's listening, please make sure that you definitely follow Andy and all that information will be in the show notes as well and make sure that you go to thesecuredadcom also as well and make sure that you connect there. But before we dive into the meat of the conversation, Andy, can you give us a little brief introduction and what your context is within the security space?

Andy Murphy: 2:56

Sure. So the Secured Ad started back in 2016. And I was really looking for like a direction in life and God changed a lot of things in my life. And he said you know, you're going to go and do something different. I was like, okay, cool. And so we wind up finding out.

Andy Murphy: 3:13

I was listening to Michael Hyatt I don't know if you are familiar with him. He's like a business coach and he does a lot of things with publishing and he made the comment once. It was like what can you talk about all day, every day, and never get tired of it? And I said for me well, that's like safety. I love this, like this is just the way my brain works. You know, my wife teases me. She causes me a safety spaz. So I've always just been that guy who's like looked over his shoulder, that sort of stuff, double check the locks and all that.

Andy Murphy: 3:45

So I kind of channeled all of that together in 2016 to create the Secure Dad, because I realized there was a lot of people out there who were like me, who wanted to know more and just didn't quite know where to start.

Andy Murphy: 3:52

So I just went out and I found my own way and I decided you know what I'm going to start writing blog posts about this sort of stuff with, like home security things like that, how to be safe in public, and that turned into a book and that turned into a podcast. And so you know, here we are today. You know, doing this, you know great interviews like this, getting to be able to talk to new people about ways that they can be safe at home and public and, most importantly, online. I actually rebranded the podcast from the Secure Dad podcast to the Secure Family podcast after having a lot of feedback from families, and a lot of that feedback was like digital safety. So that's really what my focus has been since the rebrand of the podcast in January is digital safety, and I'm glad to be here talking about it with you.

Fonz Mendoza: 4:37

Well, I'm excited about it too, you know, just because this is something that I have learned about. You know, obviously you're rebranding in the mutual group that we're in and learning to just see what work that we are all doing and the rebranding, I think, is something that's fantastic. That really opens it up to my crowd Also as well. I deal with parents a lot during our Tech Tuesdays, webinars or webinar Wednesdays that we do, where a lot of the main things that I do talk to parents about is the online aspect of child safety, child protection, data privacy, all of those things, and, as I've seen your content on TikTok, I have seen that turn there to where it's open more to families.

Fonz Mendoza: 5:19

But, of course, you know the content that you do have is something that is fantastic. Now I just want to dig in a little bit deeper because I know you said you know the content that you do have is something that is fantastic. Now I just want to dig in a little bit deeper because I know you said you know God changed some things into your life, but I'm kind of wondering was the security aspect of that something that was always something that you did or that you grew up around, or what led you to really just hone in and focus on the aspect of starting with home security and now moving into the digital security and privacy aspect of it?

Andy Murphy: 5:48

Sure, so I come at this from a civilian point of view. I've never been in law enforcement or military.

Andy Murphy: 5:55

I go back to really where this started was the day after the shooting at Columbine High School. I was in high school at the time. I was several states away, nowhere near it, but I went back to school the next day and I was sitting in my class and, of course, we were all traumatized by this horrible event. We were talking about it. In my community there had been a school shooting just maybe five years earlier, and so this was, like you know, something that was really affecting us, and I realized in that moment, listening to everybody looking around, I thought somebody in this room decided to become a threat. There is no way our school resource officer is getting to us in time, to us in time and I had to understand for the first time that my safety was my own responsibility, because there's a lot of people who will farm that out to the police or to the fire department or to EMS, and those brave people will be there when we need them. But up front, in the moment where things go wrong, it's you against, whatever the situation is, and so that is really kind of what started me towards understanding how people interact around me affects my safety, the environment, if there's a mood shift, if the vibe gets off, maybe somebody's in a place they shouldn't be, or they're normally here and they're not. Why are they not that sort of thing?

Andy Murphy: 7:25

And so it was really just understanding that if you just pay attention enough, people will tell you what's going on. They will tell you what they're afraid of, what they like, that sort of thing, and so I started to study something that has been championed by two brilliant gentlemen, which is Greg Williams and Brian Marin of Arcadia Cognorati, and it's called Human Behavior Pattern Recognition and Analysis. Now, way back then, I had no clue what that was, no clue. But I just started understanding that if I just take a look around, if I note these things, then I will understand what could potentially happen next. It's not as easy as that. It's been a learning curve I've had. I've been completely wrong about stuff, but understanding your environment, whether it is a physical environment or even a digital environment, will help you stay safer if you just know what you're looking for.

Fonz Mendoza: 8:19

Yeah, and that's very thorough of you and I know that's one thing like for myself is always that awareness, wherever it is that we're at, you know, even when you're walking to the car. I know when cell phones first came out I was just really like just walking out with my cell phone and you see a lot of people and you observe people that come out and they have no line of sight of anybody that's coming. They have no clue if there might be somebody coming in from the flank or from the back or anything, because it just did that distraction of the phones. So I had to learn to really just say you know what? There needs to be a lot of self-awareness. So every time you are walking in, you're walking out, you're getting out of your car is just being very vigilant and observant and just looking around at first. And, like you said, one of the things that I learned and I think I saw this a while back was the chances of somebody doing something to you, like when you walk out and you just make that eye contact.

Fonz Mendoza: 9:17

Sometimes that deters somebody with those intentions that they have, and that just stuck with me for many years and that's something that I always tell my wife, I said hey, if you're going to go out, please make sure, before you walk to the car, just stop outside the door scan and make eye contact with anybody, even if it's just like a nod or anything like that. Many times that deters anything from happening and that could be your way out of a certain situation. You know, and so I've always learned that, and then from then on, I just took it to that level of always finding exits. You know, in restaurants, sitting always facing the doors, finding the nearest exits and things of that sort, because of you know, tragically, the world that we live in, very unexpected things can happen at any given time, and what better way to prepare than at least with just those little things? So I'm glad that there is a website and there's a great resource that you have come up with to be able to help just not only, like you know, the dads, you know secure dads but the family as a whole, now that we're going to get into, like you mentioned, even the digital component and being self-aware and aware within those spaces.

Fonz Mendoza: 10:25

So I want to talk a little bit about something that I know that you've been talking a lot about in your content on TikTok, too, as well, which is, you know, talking about and understanding the online predators. You know, so I know, in today's digital landscape, you've got students that are playing. You know on Roblox. You've got students that are on Minecraft. You've got students, you know, even on Discord, whatsapp, snapchat, all of those places, and you know. I want to ask you from your experience and what you've learned through your guests, too as well, and for our audience that's listening that are educators and parents as well. You know, how do online predators exploit these platforms, how do online predators exploit these platforms and what are some specific tactics?

Andy Murphy: 11:58

that parents should be aware about or be aware of to help protect their child? Sure, great question, and I really like your response just a minute ago, talking about how to be safe in a physical environment, because one you were spot on in everything. Safe in a physical environment because one, you were spot on and everything. But what parents need to understand is think about the last nature documentary that you watched with your kids. We watch those sorts of things all the time. You know when a lion wants to go and hunt, they don't just go and sit in the middle of a plane and wait for something to come by. They move to the watering hole because that's where all the impalas are. They know that they're going to be there, so they have a better chance of eating one of these impalas if they go to the watering hole knowing that that's where they're going to be.

Andy Murphy: 12:40

Digital predators know that your children are going to be on Roblox and they're going to be on Fortnite and they're going to be on all these other social media networks. That's the digital watering hole today. So that's where predators are going to migrate to try to cast their net as wide as they can, hoping to get one or two kids to just play along with them until they can lay their trap to exploit them. So, while it is in the digital world, this is actually nothing new. This is something that mammals have been doing for a long time. They know where the prey is and they know how to strike. So a lot of parents are going to sit there and think, hey, my child would never fall victim to one of these predators because they're smart and they are. They're very smart. But the predators are smarter because they have fully developed adult brains. Your 12-year-old does not. I do not mean to be insulting to your 12-year-old at all. They can't match wits with a 45-year-old who probably has a master's degree in something, who is going to try to pretend to be another 12-year-old and is just going to have this whole pretext conversation set up that your kid is just going to fall into step by step. It's not a fair fight for your kids.

Andy Murphy: 13:53

So one of the things that you need to understand with these digital platforms is they open up the opportunity for conversations to happen. So it's not like somebody's going to pop into your child's DM and they're just going to say, hey, send me an inappropriate picture. There's a conversation that happens with it. It's not, that's not where they start. They start at hello and they start hey, I liked your picture of this. Oh, were you fishing last weekend? That's great, I like to fish too. Hey, you look good in a bathing suit. And so then it just kind of spirals out of control. Hey, send me another picture from your fishing trip, you know. Hey, do you have one where you're in your bathing suit, that sort of thing? And so that's where the conversation just kind of starts to take a different tone than where it started.

Andy Murphy: 14:40

And so again, these predators will try to contact as many kids as possible and they learn from all of their failures. They're like, oh well, that didn't work, that didn't work, that didn't work. So instead I'm going to change things up now and I'm going to try this. So they're perfecting their craft every single day. This is what they do. So really, you've just got to control those conversations. Now I know that, like, kids are probably going to want to say, hey, I can deal with this, I know what to do. But when they start having really personal conversations where they ask hey, can I see a particular outfit that you wore? What school do you go to? You're really mature for your age. Those are those red flag aspects of these conversations that kids need to know about and parents need to tell their kids about.

Fonz Mendoza: 15:30

Yeah, exactly Now, like you mentioned too, I mean through the social dynamics. It plays a huge part because a lot of these not only apps but, like you mentioned, the video games and so on there is that communication component. Now, many years ago, when I started doing these sessions after school, doing a meeting with parents and so on, it was very interesting that how parents were just very shocked as to what is happening or what could happen. Where, you know, you get those little talks and say, hey, if you do this or you know whatever, I'll send you, like these Xbox bucks, or I'll send you these, you know whatever currency there is for a game and, like you mentioned, you know trying to match wits with an adult that has a fully developed brain and, like you mentioned, very well educated with and a very excited 12 year old that says, oh my gosh, I'm going to get 100, you know Robux or whatever it is.

Fonz Mendoza: 16:25

I mean they just think of, like man, I'm going to get the next skin or I'm going to get this for access to this, and they completely just, you know, forget about that danger that they're putting themselves in because they're getting that other thing in exchange, like, oh my gosh, I've got a hundred bucks here that I can go ahead and spend on what I like. So I want to ask you you know how, and parents, and because many times during these sessions there are plenty of resources that are out there, but many times I think for a lot of parents it can be very overwhelming. So I want to ask you, in your experience and, of course, what you've learned through your guests or any kind of resources, what would be maybe, let's say, the top three things that you can share with parents on how to open up these conversations and, you know, help their child understand the dangers in just simply trading, like that innocent picture, for these hundred bucks or 50 bucks, you know worth, of whatever it is for their video game or for their app.

Andy Murphy: 17:26

Sure. So the first thing that you really have to do and I was very fortunate I fell into this conversation when my son was very young and that was you don't take pictures without your clothes on. That's not something that you do. No child should do that, and so I had that foundation with him of that there are good pictures and that there are bad pictures. There's actually kids' books written about this sort of stuff. Depending on the age of your child, if you want to read one of those with them, it's a great way to kind of introduce that sort of thing. But you need to tell them what makes a good picture and what makes a bad picture. And we don't do it without our clothes on. We don't take pictures of us, you know, without our shirt on, even though our pants may be on if it's a male, that sort of thing. So laying that foundation early on for, hey, the expectation is for you growing up that you don't take pictures without your clothes on that is like a household rule, that is a family rule and that's how we hold ourselves. So number one, I think, would be that.

Andy Murphy: 18:27

Number two a lot of parents are afraid that if they even broker this conversation, that they're going to ruin their child's innocence and that fear holds a lot of people back. So I would tell parents you have to have this conversation. I've had it. I worked myself up to it for a couple of days and I found the opportunity and it was just a blessing to have that conversation. So you don't want to sit there and just not be ready for it. You've got to think about it, you've got to pray about it. You've got to try to find some examples of what's going on. You know your child, you know how they learn what's going to stick with them. So, like I was, recently, I had a guest on, and whoever it was just slipped my brain and I apologize. But they said if you were to go to a job interview, you would prepare for that conversation, right? Well, you need to prepare for this conversation too that you're going to have with your kids, and so be ready and recognize the opportunity when that comes up.

Andy Murphy: 19:30

And what you don't want to do is like sit your kids down on the couch and say, all right, kids, I'm going to tell you about sexual predators and all this stuff and just completely scare them. That's not the point. Generally, you can have this conversation. When you're in the car, like you know, you're both just having windshield time, out the front You're maybe waiting for soccer practice to start and you just say, hey, I read this story about this poor girl who was abducted after meeting this guy on roblox and I I don't want that to happen to you, because I love you and because I care about you. That's why we say that you can't have conversations. We've turned all the chat features off, because you also have to justify what you're doing and when you let your kids in on why these things are happening and that you're just not being this.

Andy Murphy: 20:16

You control freak of a parent. When they know what the dangers are, they appreciate the fence. So that's just one of the ways that you need to take a look at it. You need to take an ownership of that conversation and just be ready for it, and you can have it at any age. It really does depend on the maturity level of your kid. You know when they're ready and you don't have the conversation once.

Andy Murphy: 20:39

You introduce this topic once, but you continue to follow up on it. You don't just let it. Oh well, I talked to him when he was seven. He's fine at the age 13. He's probably not going to remember all that. You know she's not going to remember all of that. You know her choices in fashion have changed and boys have changed and all that sort of stuff. You have to change that conversation with them as they grow up. So that's like the big stuff that I would tell parents what they need to do in having these conversations. And having had this conversation and continue to have it with my son, it's not as big a deal as you think. After you're done you're going to be like, wow, that actually went really well. I'm so glad that I did it. Will it be perfect? Probably not, but your intent is good and they'll know that they're appreciated and loved Exactly and I think that's something that's very important that you hit on, andy, is that having that open communication.

Fonz Mendoza: 21:33

And so a couple of things that I do want to highlight is number one, really, in preparing yourself for that conversation. It's either you know you have that conversation with them or somebody else is going to have that conversation with them, or they've already had that conversation and maybe it didn't go as well as you thought you know, because it's with somebody else and they're trying to do whatever it is that they're trying to do to make sure that they get what they want from your child, and so that's the dangerous aspect. So it'd be very important to just say, hey, as the parent, let me be the first to talk to you about this, as awkward as it may seem, but, like you said, maybe it's going to seem awkward at first, but when you do open up that communication and you're both having and talking about this together, I think that builds a bigger bond and a bigger relationship there, and always the child understanding like, okay, you know, this is why which is my next point that I love that you said it's not just give me the phone, I'm going to take it away. Well, why? Well, I'm just take it away because I don't want you texting, I don't want you doing this, I don't want you to do that. But in explaining and saying, hey, look, you know we want you to do that.

Fonz Mendoza: 22:42

But in explaining and saying, hey, look, you know we're going to go ahead and, you know, disable these features. But let me explain to you why. I want to make sure that you understand that at your age and so on, and you know, because of that fear and just having that open explanation for them, I think that makes a big difference too as well. And oftentimes I know myself, growing up, it was always like, no, I'm just going to take it away, and why? Well, I know myself. Growing up, it was always like, no, I'm just going to take it away, and why?

Andy Murphy: 22:59

Well, just because I am your father and I am the one that pays for this.

Fonz Mendoza: 23:01

Well, why, but? And instead of that, just really having those conversations. But I think, going back to your number one rule, which is obviously. Don't take any pictures that are inappropriate or can seem very inappropriate. This is one of the biggest conversations that I have with the parents that I work with, as many students are involved in sports and some sports require, you know, less clothing or wardrobe, such as swimming, you know their bathing suits, things of that sort.

Fonz Mendoza: 23:34

I always tell parents look, you know, I know that you love what your child has done or if they've accomplished, if the team won something. But I said, ask yourself too, is this picture OK to post? Would your child be OK with you posting this picture? Because they may be, you know, from their torso up still be, you know, without a shirt because they're in swimming, and then, of course, they've got their trunks on and everything. We want to make sure and I help them understand.

Fonz Mendoza: 24:02

You know there are some terrible people out there and with technology as advanced as it is, with a lot of these AI apps that can easily just remove any bit of clothing that anybody has, bit of clothing that anybody has you're definitely opening that up for some trouble, because people can just go in, save pictures and I even share with them an article from many years ago as far as the dark web and how these pictures are traded.

Fonz Mendoza: 24:30

You know, amongst people and you know it's heinous. I mean, it's something that's terrible. So just having that precaution and obviously sending pictures to another, you know, either students or anybody else that can also just be very harmful and very detrimental to them. So it's coming to them too, and my side is I don't want them to close any doors to their future that they may have based on one bad decision. You know, all it takes is either one bad tweet, one bad picture, one bad comment, something that somebody else posts because out of jealousy or out of spite, that can close an opportunity for that student to go to college or the college that they want or a job that they want, because all of that comes back and haunts them. The other thing that I do share with parents also is here in my area, in my geographic area, we in the Hispanic community, we love to throw parties for everything, and so there are many parents here that throw parties, and there's just something about just seeing a red solo cup that gives you a specific kind of connotation.

Fonz Mendoza: 25:45

So I always tell parents too as well. I said, look, although there may not be anything in that cup, but based on the company that is around, where the setting, where it is that you're at, please be very careful of the types of pictures that are being taken of your child or anything at all. You as adults I mean you're adults, but for your child, because it's all about perception you don't know how somebody may interpret that picture and say, oh, look at them, they've got their red solo cup, even though it could be Sprite water, orange juice or not even anything on it, but it's just those things. So those are some of the things that I share with parents on how to protect themselves and also even be aware of who you invite to these parties and just kind of scoping the place out, like you said, being very aware of who's where, who's taking pictures and why they might be taking pictures in certain areas, depending on the type of party. That this is because I tell them, believe it or not, you know you might even need to be very careful with your very own family members thinking like, hey, this is very awkward, why are they taking pictures, why are they hanging around there in those areas?

Fonz Mendoza: 26:58

So that comes back, I know, not so much in the digital but here in the real world, but it's just those conversations that need to be had and for parents to really just say, hey, you know, I need to do the same if I'm willing to take care of my child here in person.

Fonz Mendoza: 27:14

You know, amongst these people that are surrounding us in this significant scenario or particular scenario, I should say I should do the same, even if they're online, and protect them. So I think that's very important there. Now, andy, with your experience and I know you said you've had this talk with your child as well and so I'm pretty sure that they're very knowledgeable as to what to do, what not to do but I want to ask you, with your experience and with the guests that you've had, what are some of the flags that parents can look out for that there might be something happening with their child, maybe with their interactions. What are some things that they can look out for to say, hey, I need to have a conversation, I need to have a talk, quick and intervene.

Andy Murphy: 28:02

Right, great question, and there's a lot of things to actually look out for, and most of them are just your child's behavior. The first thing that you need to look out for is if your child let's say they're obsessed with Xbox and you have let them have conversations with strangers and stuff like that, and all of a sudden they don't want to play Xbox anymore. You know like, oh, they loved it. You know they spent all their birthday money on it. This is all that they wanted, and now, three weeks later, that they don't want to touch it. Something bad happened and that could be like cyber bullying, it could be all sorts of stuff, but that's one of those red flags of like, ok, this kid once loved this thing, they don't love it anymore and that's, they fell out of love with it pretty quick. Something has happened and I just need to go talk to them about it. Another thing is and the advice is good, but I feel like it's a little late and people are like, oh, if your child's grades go down, that could be like if they were a B student. Now they're pulling out C's and D's and F's and that sort of stuff. You know that could be a sign that you know somebody is being abusive towards them and it is, but you don't need to wait for, like, the nine weeks report card to do that.

Andy Murphy: 29:14

There are other signs that you can look for, and that is you know, maybe they're not smiling as much as they were. They're not talking about their friends. They are, you know, choosing to like not let go of their phone. That's a big one If they've got a phone and they don't want to let you see it, or they, you know, try to sleep with it under their pillow. That sort of thing. That's a red flag. That's going to be a problem that you're going to want to address. So, you know not letting go of the phone, you know being in a spot where their grades are going to go down and all of a sudden, they've fallen out of love with something that they had.

Andy Murphy: 30:48

Those are three big signs to look for in order to really intervene. Another one could be just random gifts showing up. That's when a predator is pretty, you know, far along. You kind of alluded to this a minute ago. Well, they'll want to send you V-Bucks for a fortnight, or whatever it is. Or maybe buy you a subscription to Netflix when your parents said no, and all of a sudden you notice, hey, they're watching Netflix on their phone. We didn't say they could do that. Where did they get that from? So when things start to appear that weren't there before, that's also a red flag of hey, I need to have a conversation here. How do they have the funds to do this sort of thing? Maybe it's because somebody's given it to them in trade for something.

Fonz Mendoza: 31:32

Yeah, no, definitely. I think you've hit on a lot of similar things that I share with parents, like my big thing too. Very similar is just that withdrawal.

Fonz Mendoza: 31:41

You know being somebody that's very happy and it's like, hey, after school I'm going to take you to go buy ice cream at your favorite shop and all of a sudden they're like man, I don't want any.

Fonz Mendoza: 31:50

It's like whoa, what's going on? But I think those are very much important and sometimes what happens, andy, during these conversations that I've had with parents, is usually they'll say it's like oh well, it's adolescence, it's puberty, you know, and so they'll. That's what a lot of them say and I say, well, we need to, you know, obviously, look at the age that they're at, but also, regardless, if it's that physiological change where now they're in that mode of I know everything, you know nothing kind of deal, and that usually happens around sixth grade or so, usually after Christmas. That's what I've noticed when I work in an elementary is that you'll see the kids come in with this kind of like I know everything kind of attitude and a lot of times the parents would say, oh well, you know, it's just that age They've hit that age, but there could definitely be something that's going on that's a lot deeper than they know.

Fonz Mendoza: 32:41

And so I think that, regardless of thinking it's that age, just having that open communication and talking to them, speaking to them, observing them and then just, you know, having those crucial conversations and, like you said, hopefully it's not too late, you know, and hopefully it's something that could go ahead and be taken care of, because it could always be taken care of.

Fonz Mendoza: 33:02

But, just like you said, it's something that has not already caused any harm, in that sense, whether it's physiological or whether it's, you know, just even with mental, the cyber bullying aspect of it which is something that is very rampant, you know, and especially with social media, you know everybody being able to communicate with everybody and everybody's connected and through DMs and Instagram and so on, so that's definitely something there to look out for. So I want to ask you and I know I had Bill Brady on my show from TrueMe and I know that you're very familiar with Trumi also, so it's a great kind of segue into this next question you know, talking about tools like Trumi, that you know these phones that have parental controls and they're available. You know what are some other ways that parents can assess either the type of technology that they're going to go ahead and buy their child or the type of app that their child wants their parent to buy for them or download for them?

Andy Murphy: 33:59

Sure. So I think first, in getting your child a smartphone, you have to ask okay, at their age, what is this device for? If this device is for calling, you know to say hey, practice is running long, don't come pick me up until 7 instead of 6.30. Then you just kind of need a basic phone for that. Maybe you want them to send you a text message with that same thing, or take pictures of the dog or whatever. That's totally fine. But then when you start to look at apps like you know, instagram or TikTok, that sort of stuff I think the common wisdom today is saying don't let your kids have social media until they're 16. And I think that's a good level to start at, even though your kids are mature. I think 16 is probably a good place to look at it before you even consider doing. That doesn't mean on their 16th birthday they get to download all the social media apps. That's not it at all. It's like that's just what we need to have that conversation. You can kick it back until then, but you just really need to understand what's the motivation and what's the intent behind it. You know, because kids will want to get these games that are free and they will try to like upgrade you through like, hey, just get your credit card or use Apple Pay or whatever it is, and next thing you know you've run up, you know $130 without realizing it. Or you know, maybe they're tracking all of your data. That's something that we as parents really don't talk about, and I know that you're a privacy advocate, like I am, but, like, your kids are being tracked all their swipes and all their. You know that sort of stuff is being tracked and they're building digital profiles of your kid and that's going to stay with them, because you and I we didn't have digital profiles at the age of 12. But we do now and so, like kids today are going to have that go with them for their entire life. So that's another aspect of it to look at. That probably nobody else is going to tell you is the data that's being collected on your kids.

Andy Murphy: 35:58

But another thing to do if, like, they want to download a game and you have no idea what it is, you can obviously, you know, do a Google search for it, go to ESRB and kind of look up the rating. But one of the most telling things about it is to say, hey, I don't know anything about this game, let's go to YouTube and let's watch footage of it. And if they're like, oh yeah, sure, I want to show you all about this game, and they're like all excited about it and you see it as like OK, well this should be OK for them. But if you're like, oh no, I don't think you would like it, that's a red flag. You know that sort of thing and the same kind of with social media as well. If they get to the point that they're ready for it, just say, hey, why do you want this? Is it like you want to follow your favorite sports teams, or do you want to follow your favorite influencers and just kind of see what they say and kind of judge the response to all that?

Fonz Mendoza: 36:48

Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. I know one of the things, or actually I should say one of the resources that I do share with parents, especially with apps, is commonsensemediaorg, because they do have app reviews there and so on. But I really love it. I never thought about that. I love what you said is like hey, okay, well, show me on YouTube. You know some clips of people playing it and so on. Immediately, you're going to go ahead and see the look on their faces and definitely judge and saying like, ok, should I or should I not?

Fonz Mendoza: 37:17

So that'll be very telling, but so I really love that strategy there, and he said it's wonderful. The one thing that I did love, though, when Bill was on and talking about, you know, trumi was just the parental control aspect too, as well as far as hey, if this is going to be just for texting, it's going to be only texting, no pictures.

Andy Murphy: 37:36

Or if it's going to be apps.

Fonz Mendoza: 37:38

They have a suite of educational apps that are there that are free. You know they're in. They're asking questions like, hey, how old are you? And it's amazing how quickly kids just give away that information just freely. And, like you mentioned, you know they've got a digital footprint, a digital profile of them that you said that will follow them and that's the way that they're going to get targeted, and so that's something that for me, you know, maybe, like you know, a phone like Trumi and I know that there's other phones that kind of do the same would be a great suggestion for parents.

Fonz Mendoza: 38:27

Obviously, I know that in my experience and I'm going to share this with you that when I moved to elementary I was a high school teacher. Then I moved to elementary, I had started doing sixth grade and my sixth grade students were coming in with iPhones. I didn't even have an iPhone at the time, I couldn't even afford it, but they had the iPhones and iPad that they were coming in. And then, when I moved down to fifth grade two years later, then I started seeing third graders with iPhones and iPads and I'm like you've got this $900 device in your pocket as a third grader.

Fonz Mendoza: 39:00

There is no reason for you to have that, but they were just again very married to it because of YouTube, and that's another thing too that I don't know of your experience, but I know that they have the YouTube for kids, but even then that YouTube to me seems very compromised too, as well, right, and I want to go back to something you said.

Andy Murphy: 39:22

It's so funny. You talked about third graders having iPhones. During COVID my son was doing classes because he was issued a Google Chromebook in like a second grade and I was like really dude, okay, whatever. But you know that's just what they were doing then. And so he's in it and thankfully, because you know, when school got closed down for a while, he would do class on that. Because you know, when school got closed down for a while, he would do class on that. And so I would set him up on one side of my office he was doing third grade stuff on one end of the room and I was doing secure dad stuff on the other and so they would have periods to where they could just like talk with each other or whatever. So he's got it all. You know the speakers on that sort of thing.

Andy Murphy: 40:01

And there was this one kid in the class who was just talking about how tired he was, that he couldn't sleep last night. So he just pulled out his iPhone at 4 am and he just started scrolling through it at 4 am. And this is the same kid who had disciplinary problems, was not doing great academically. And I'm not saying it's completely the phone, because that's unfair, but like he was struggling with life and he was going to his phone for answers. What answers can a third grader find? What other stuff was he finding that was not good for him to see or that he didn't understand at you know four in the morning, when he has just open access to a smart device? So like that is just kind of stuck with me for all these years and it's like we don't just need to hand this device to our kid and just not do anything about it.

Andy Murphy: 40:52

So that's where using parental controls is really good. They will help you some in all that. They're not like, oh, I'm just going to set the parental controls and never have a conversation with my child because the computer will do it all for me. That's not what we need to do. We need to have those conversations.

Andy Murphy: 41:08

We need to use parental controls where it's necessary and just take a holistic approach to it, really want to get your kids on your side because, like you were talking about, with adolescence, we reached this point where we become almost adversarial with our parents. You need them to understand that it's your family against the world. They need to be in it with you, and you need to bring them in and say, yeah, I'm the parent, I'm the leader, but we're on the same team, we're fighting this same battle together and this is what you need to do to keep you safe, and I'm going to do what I need to do to keep you safe, and I'm going to do what I need to do to keep you safe as well, and we're going to beat this thing together. Excellent, I love that.

Fonz Mendoza: 41:47

Well, andy, a couple of more questions before we kind of wrap up. But I want to ask you now for parents that are out there that may and it's very hard, I don't know. This is very hard because we say, like, there are some parents out there that may not be too tech savvy, but for the most part, a lot of the parents are now. However, maybe just in this awareness of the digital safety component, they may not be as savvy as they think they are, but you know, just in kind of closing, you know for many parents that may not be as technologically inclined as you know, some of the parents that are around what are some of the foundational steps that you can share with them to just become a little bit more informed and more involved in their child's digital life.

Andy Murphy: 42:31

Sure. So I think the first thing that parents need to understand who aren't tech savvy is that it's okay. There's a lot of stuff that when I started doing this, I didn't know how to do it, and I always tell people if I can do it, you can do it, that sort of thing. So when you are looking at starting this journey with your kids, obviously listening to this show is a great step forward in doing that listening to the Secure Family podcast, because both of us together are going to come in week after week with good stuff that parents need to know, things that you may not have even thought about. But then also like follow, like these different creators who are in this space, like you and me, and just see what information they're sharing, and that's all like passive stuff that you can just do in your social media, looking when you allow yourself to do it, that sort of stuff. Just follow the people who are doing this and see what they're doing and seeing why they're doing it, and also be with your kids when they have their devices or when they're playing video games.

Andy Murphy: 43:27

I am a big supporter of kids being able to play games and have social media when it's appropriate, but they don't do it behind closed doors. So you need to watch and be an active participant in that sort of stuff. So no phones, no Xboxes in you know the bedroom, no phones in the bathroom, no tablets there either. You need to sit and watch what they're doing to really truly understand the experience that they're having. I tell people for, like YouTube we talked about this a second ago like I don't want to put YouTube on an iPad. If you have a smart TV, put YouTube on the smart TV. So then when they want to watch it, when they have permission to do so, what they're seeing is being seen by everybody on the first floor of your home. So, no matter what you're doing, you can walk by and see okay, he's watching the Izzy's or somebody like that. That's totally fine. The Izzy's or somebody like that, that's totally fine.

Andy Murphy: 44:27

But you also need to monitor what they're watching, because a lot of parents they say like, oh, I just don't want my kids to have, like, access to porn. Totally get that, but there's also violence and there is hate speech and there's all this other stuff, and some of those videos come from people who were dressed nice and look nice. So you really have to stop and pay attention to not only the video that they're seeing, but the audio as well, to understand fully what they're getting into. And you can watch this, you can ask questions about it with your kids, you can go research it on your own, or you can just step in and intervene and say, hey, that doesn't mix with the values of our family. You know that. I know you probably didn't realize that this was going to happen, but we don't need to watch this anymore and you can step in right then and do it. So you know, just don't leave them completely unattended with a device.

Fonz Mendoza: 45:14

Excellent, great advice, andy, great advice Now, before we wrap up the last question and I know we're going to talk a little bit about this, but it's anticipating future challenges, as you know, and we mentioned earlier. You know, the technology is so advanced now and we're talking a little bit pre-chat about the AI and apps such as Character AI or any other apps that are out there, like Replica and apps where they create a companion avatar and things of that sort.

Fonz Mendoza: 45:42

So those are some of the emerging trends that we are seeing now. So what are some of the challenges that these pose now in during this time, for our children and obviously on the parental side of things?

Andy Murphy: 45:55

Right. So AI is changing all the time. Like you wake up and all of a sudden, Chad GPT is like oh, here's like six more things that you didn't know about yesterday. And I'm a big supporter of AI I really am and this is going to be the way that our kids dealing with the future. For me and my generation, it was like oh hey, the internet has come along, here's this big innovation.

Andy Murphy: 46:14

Well, for our kids, it's AI, and if they don't know how to use it, behind when it comes to education and when it comes to the job market, that sort of stuff. So they need to have an understanding of AI and how it works. But you can set up guidelines about when your kids can use it, how they can use it Almost like if it was. I think you just need to treat it like it was a social media app and make sure that they understand that. Like you know, you're not ready for character AI, but we could do co-pilot, that sort of thing. And if your kids are set up with kids accounts through email and Microsoft, they may or may not have access to all of the AI features, but you just need to sit with them and see what they're doing. You brought up Trumi a little while ago and they have their AI chat bot, which is Trudi, while ago, and they have their AI chat bot, which is Trudy, and it is geared towards kids and being able to ask AI questions and know that, hey, I'm speaking to a child and if there is something here that is a red flag, I will send a note to the parents that say, hey, this was talked about. You might want to do something about it.

Andy Murphy: 47:20

Just depending on where you put the settings. You need to be aware that you probably shouldn't say to your kids no AI right now, because this is where things are going. They're going to need to know how to do that. Like I remember being a kid and I was messing around with Photoshop and just as a kid, just messing around with it, I understood a whole lot more about it. I use those skills like up into today, and so I've been like on that platform for like 30 years. Like I think it came out like 95 or something, and so that's going to need to be the foundation that they have for coding and all sorts of jobs going forward. But again, just be with them while they're using it. Make sure that you check on their history of whatever they're looking for, that sort of thing, and just a lot of times you just have to be in the same room with the screen to really see what's going on.

Fonz Mendoza: 48:14

Excellent, well, great advice. Andy, thank you so much for the wealth of knowledge and all those knowledge nuggets that you shared today. I'm really excited to get this episode out, and I know that a lot of our listeners here educators I mean educators are parents too. I know that they're going to take a lot of stuff away from this, but also a lot of the parent audience also is definitely going to benefit from this. So thank you so much for just being here and gracing us with all of this. But before we wrap up and we get into the last three questions, andy, I want to give you a little bit of time. Make sure that you let our audience members know where they can find your website, how they can connect with you should they want to reach out or have any questions.

Andy Murphy: 48:47

Absolutely. You can find everything about me at thesecuredadcom. I am also thesecuredad on Instagram and TikTok. I will say, if you go to my TikTok channel, I didn't join until after the ban, so like I don't have as many followers as you do, so I'm starting out new on TikTok, so please follow me there. You can also find the Secure Family Podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify, even on YouTube as well, so I'm pretty much everywhere if you just search for the Secure Dad.

Fonz Mendoza: 49:17

Excellent. Well, again, I definitely recommend that you engage with Andy's content and make sure that you share that, and I promise you you're going to find a lot of knowledge nuggets that you can take and sprinkle onto what you are already doing. Great as far as parents and security and all of that. So you'll definitely learn a lot. But, andy, before we wrap up, I always love to end the show with these last three questions, just to kind of lighten up the mood a little bit. It just all depends on the answers. But question number one as we know, every superhero has a pain point or a weakness, for example, superman. Kryptonite was a pain point, or caused or weakened Superman. So I want to ask you, maybe in the current state of security, whether it's digital or whether it's physical security at this point, what would you say is your current security, kryptonite?

Andy Murphy: 50:08

Sure, and this is a great question. I love this and the answer really goes through physical security and digital security as well. And that's just being fatigued, it's being tired. Like when I'm tired I am not as observant of my kid and their behavior. I'm also not as observant in the parking lot when I'm coming out of the grocery store, that sort of thing.

Andy Murphy: 50:28

So being aware of like when I'm tired is big, so that I know, wait a minute. You know my brain isn't in the right place, I'm really tired. You know, maybe my child has had an attitude shift or maybe they're just tired too. You know I still try to create secure habits and that, no matter what, even if I'm feeling tired, I still have those habits in my life that I still go and like I double check the doors before I go to sleep, that sort of thing. I make sure that my son's phone is charging and his iPad is charging, ready to go for the next day, so one he can have it for school when he's supposed to have it, but also I know he doesn't have it right now. So like, just doing those two habits can really help you out when you were just tired and you just don't feel like dealing with anything security wise.

Fonz Mendoza: 51:15

Excellent, Great answer, Andy. Question number two if you could have a billboard with anything on it, what would it be?

Andy Murphy: 51:22

and why Don't give your kids your old iPhone? That is the biggest thing.

Andy Murphy: 51:28

I love Apple.

Andy Murphy: 51:29

They are great for privacy, but that is a double-edged sword when it comes to your kids, because the privacy that protects you and the security that protects you also protects them, which is why I like to recommend a Trumi phone that is built for kids and can be monitored by parents.

Andy Murphy: 51:44

A lot of people are just like oh, I think, why I like to recommend a Trumi phone that is built for kids and can be monitored by parents. A lot of people are just like oh, I think I'm going to save some money, I'm going to get an iPhone, so I'll just give them my old iPhone 11 and not put any parental controls on it. And if you know anything about it, those parental controls on an iPhone can be turned off pretty easily with just a couple of like Google searches or asking Copilot how to do it. So I feel like kids need a smartphone that has safety integrated into it first and parental controls and like literally parent control into it, instead of just handing them your old iPhone and not telling them how to use it and just assuming that they're going to know what to do. That drives me crazy.

Fonz Mendoza: 52:25

Excellent, andy. Great answer, all right. Last question, andy, is if you could trade places with one person for a single day, who would that be and why?

Andy Murphy: 52:36

Well, the person I would want to trade places with is our mutual friend, dylan Schmidt. Dylan is like, super motivated. He lives out in California, learned how to lose 50 pounds with AI. When you ask the guy a question, he's got a great answer and he just generally seems like he has his life together. And dadgummit, I could use that for a day.

Fonz Mendoza: 52:55

Definitely. I don't know, honestly, like everything that he does, how he manages to do all of that, and also now being a dad and all that stuff. So that's fantastic. But, yeah, great choice, Dylan is definitely great. So big shout out to Dylan Schmidt.

Fonz Mendoza: 53:10

Thank you so much for always helping us out and, of course, making this connection too as well.

Fonz Mendoza: 53:15

So thank you so much.

Fonz Mendoza: 53:17

Well, andy, again thank you, I really appreciate you being here, and it's again an honor and a pleasure to be able to connect with you, not only through the Content Creator Club and all of that good stuff, but just here having this great conversation about security. And thank you so much for all your wonderful shares. So again, my audience members, thank you, as always, for all of your support and everything about Andy as far as contact info and all that good stuff will be in the show notes, so please make sure that you visit the website at wwwmyedtechlife where you can check out this episode and the other 324 episodes, where I promise you that you can find a little something that you can sprinkle on to what you are already doing. Great Thank you, as always, for all of your support, and a big shout out to our sponsors, eduaid, book Creator and Yellowdig. Thank you for believing in our mission and bringing these great conversations to continue to help our education space continue to grow. And as always, my friends, until next time. Don't forget, stay techie.