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Hello everybody and welcome to another great episode of my EdTech Life.
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Thank you so much for joining us on this wonderful day and, as always, wherever it is that you're joining us from around the world.
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Thank you, as always, for your support.
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We appreciate all the likes, the shares, the world.
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Thank you, as always, for your support.
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We appreciate all the likes, the shares, the follows.
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Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback and the wonderful emails.
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It just really means the world to us.
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As you know, we do what we do for you to bring you some amazing conversations, and today I am really excited about our guest today, andy Murphy, who is known as the Secure Dad or the Secure Dad website, where parents can go ahead and visit that website and learn more about safety, not only home safety, but also child's protection, and that's what we're going to be talking about.
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With this world that is inundated with tech, with phones, devices and so much screen time, today's conversation is definitely something that I know that the parents that I work with will definitely appreciate, so I would love to welcome to the show Andy Murphy.
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Andy, how are you doing today?
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I'm doing great.
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Fonz, thank you so much for the opportunity to hang out with you.
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I really do appreciate you and what you're doing.
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I've been looking forward to this all day, for us just to be able to sit down and talk about this, because I know you are very educated in this space.
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So I get to have like a higher level conversation today and I really am looking forward to it.
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Oh well, you've set the bar high, Andy.
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So hopefully we can definitely have that conversation.
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But before we get started, Andy, one thing that I do want to say also is I'm really thankful for you too as well, because I do want to say that we have known each other for probably going on two years, or maybe a little bit over Thanks to Dylan Schmidt, you know and, of course, learning more about podcasting and connecting and so on.
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So I'm very honored to have you on the show and obviously amplify your voice and amplify your expertise in what you see, because, as I follow you on social media too as well, I'm like I'm continually learning from you and I'm continually learning from your guests.
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So, guys, everybody that's listening, please make sure that you definitely follow Andy and all that information will be in the show notes as well and make sure that you go to thesecuredadcom also as well and make sure that you connect there.
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But before we dive into the meat of the conversation, Andy, can you give us a little brief introduction and what your context is within the security space?
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Sure.
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So the Secured Ad started back in 2016.
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And I was really looking for like a direction in life and God changed a lot of things in my life.
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And he said you know, you're going to go and do something different.
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I was like, okay, cool.
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And so we wind up finding out.
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I was listening to Michael Hyatt I don't know if you are familiar with him.
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He's like a business coach and he does a lot of things with publishing and he made the comment once.
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It was like what can you talk about all day, every day, and never get tired of it?
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And I said for me well, that's like safety.
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I love this, like this is just the way my brain works.
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You know, my wife teases me.
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She causes me a safety spaz.
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So I've always just been that guy who's like looked over his shoulder, that sort of stuff, double check the locks and all that.
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So I kind of channeled all of that together in 2016 to create the Secure Dad, because I realized there was a lot of people out there who were like me, who wanted to know more and just didn't quite know where to start.
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So I just went out and I found my own way and I decided you know what I'm going to start writing blog posts about this sort of stuff with, like home security things like that, how to be safe in public, and that turned into a book and that turned into a podcast.
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And so you know, here we are today.
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You know, doing this, you know great interviews like this, getting to be able to talk to new people about ways that they can be safe at home and public and, most importantly, online.
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I actually rebranded the podcast from the Secure Dad podcast to the Secure Family podcast after having a lot of feedback from families, and a lot of that feedback was like digital safety.
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So that's really what my focus has been since the rebrand of the podcast in January is digital safety, and I'm glad to be here talking about it with you.
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Well, I'm excited about it too, you know, just because this is something that I have learned about.
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You know, obviously you're rebranding in the mutual group that we're in and learning to just see what work that we are all doing and the rebranding, I think, is something that's fantastic.
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That really opens it up to my crowd Also as well.
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I deal with parents a lot during our Tech Tuesdays, webinars or webinar Wednesdays that we do, where a lot of the main things that I do talk to parents about is the online aspect of child safety, child protection, data privacy, all of those things, and, as I've seen your content on TikTok, I have seen that turn there to where it's open more to families.
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But, of course, you know the content that you do have is something that is fantastic.
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Now I just want to dig in a little bit deeper because I know you said you know the content that you do have is something that is fantastic.
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Now I just want to dig in a little bit deeper because I know you said you know God changed some things into your life, but I'm kind of wondering was the security aspect of that something that was always something that you did or that you grew up around, or what led you to really just hone in and focus on the aspect of starting with home security and now moving into the digital security and privacy aspect of it?
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Sure, so I come at this from a civilian point of view.
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I've never been in law enforcement or military.
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I go back to really where this started was the day after the shooting at Columbine High School.
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I was in high school at the time.
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I was several states away, nowhere near it, but I went back to school the next day and I was sitting in my class and, of course, we were all traumatized by this horrible event.
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We were talking about it.
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In my community there had been a school shooting just maybe five years earlier, and so this was, like you know, something that was really affecting us, and I realized in that moment, listening to everybody looking around, I thought somebody in this room decided to become a threat.
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There is no way our school resource officer is getting to us in time, to us in time and I had to understand for the first time that my safety was my own responsibility, because there's a lot of people who will farm that out to the police or to the fire department or to EMS, and those brave people will be there when we need them.
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But up front, in the moment where things go wrong, it's you against, whatever the situation is, and so that is really kind of what started me towards understanding how people interact around me affects my safety, the environment, if there's a mood shift, if the vibe gets off, maybe somebody's in a place they shouldn't be, or they're normally here and they're not.
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Why are they not that sort of thing?
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And so it was really just understanding that if you just pay attention enough, people will tell you what's going on.
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They will tell you what they're afraid of, what they like, that sort of thing, and so I started to study something that has been championed by two brilliant gentlemen, which is Greg Williams and Brian Marin of Arcadia Cognorati, and it's called Human Behavior Pattern Recognition and Analysis.
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Now, way back then, I had no clue what that was, no clue.
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But I just started understanding that if I just take a look around, if I note these things, then I will understand what could potentially happen next.
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It's not as easy as that.
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It's been a learning curve I've had.
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I've been completely wrong about stuff, but understanding your environment, whether it is a physical environment or even a digital environment, will help you stay safer if you just know what you're looking for.
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Yeah, and that's very thorough of you and I know that's one thing like for myself is always that awareness, wherever it is that we're at, you know, even when you're walking to the car.
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I know when cell phones first came out I was just really like just walking out with my cell phone and you see a lot of people and you observe people that come out and they have no line of sight of anybody that's coming.
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They have no clue if there might be somebody coming in from the flank or from the back or anything, because it just did that distraction of the phones.
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So I had to learn to really just say you know what?
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There needs to be a lot of self-awareness.
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So every time you are walking in, you're walking out, you're getting out of your car is just being very vigilant and observant and just looking around at first.
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And, like you said, one of the things that I learned and I think I saw this a while back was the chances of somebody doing something to you, like when you walk out and you just make that eye contact.
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Sometimes that deters somebody with those intentions that they have, and that just stuck with me for many years and that's something that I always tell my wife, I said hey, if you're going to go out, please make sure, before you walk to the car, just stop outside the door scan and make eye contact with anybody, even if it's just like a nod or anything like that.
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Many times that deters anything from happening and that could be your way out of a certain situation.
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You know, and so I've always learned that, and then from then on, I just took it to that level of always finding exits.
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You know, in restaurants, sitting always facing the doors, finding the nearest exits and things of that sort, because of you know, tragically, the world that we live in, very unexpected things can happen at any given time, and what better way to prepare than at least with just those little things?
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So I'm glad that there is a website and there's a great resource that you have come up with to be able to help just not only, like you know, the dads, you know secure dads but the family as a whole, now that we're going to get into, like you mentioned, even the digital component and being self-aware and aware within those spaces.
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So I want to talk a little bit about something that I know that you've been talking a lot about in your content on TikTok, too, as well, which is, you know, talking about and understanding the online predators.
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You know, so I know, in today's digital landscape, you've got students that are playing.
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You know on Roblox.
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You've got students that are on Minecraft.
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You've got students, you know, even on Discord, whatsapp, snapchat, all of those places, and you know.
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I want to ask you from your experience and what you've learned through your guests, too as well, and for our audience that's listening that are educators and parents as well.
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You know, how do online predators exploit these platforms, how do online predators exploit these platforms and what are some specific tactics?
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that parents should be aware about or be aware of to help protect their child?
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Sure, great question, and I really like your response just a minute ago, talking about how to be safe in a physical environment, because one you were spot on in everything.
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Safe in a physical environment because one, you were spot on and everything.
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But what parents need to understand is think about the last nature documentary that you watched with your kids.
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We watch those sorts of things all the time.
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You know when a lion wants to go and hunt, they don't just go and sit in the middle of a plane and wait for something to come by.
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They move to the watering hole because that's where all the impalas are.
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They know that they're going to be there, so they have a better chance of eating one of these impalas if they go to the watering hole knowing that that's where they're going to be.
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Digital predators know that your children are going to be on Roblox and they're going to be on Fortnite and they're going to be on all these other social media networks.
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That's the digital watering hole today.
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So that's where predators are going to migrate to try to cast their net as wide as they can, hoping to get one or two kids to just play along with them until they can lay their trap to exploit them.
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So, while it is in the digital world, this is actually nothing new.
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This is something that mammals have been doing for a long time.
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They know where the prey is and they know how to strike.
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So a lot of parents are going to sit there and think, hey, my child would never fall victim to one of these predators because they're smart and they are.
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They're very smart.
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But the predators are smarter because they have fully developed adult brains.
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Your 12-year-old does not.
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I do not mean to be insulting to your 12-year-old at all.
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They can't match wits with a 45-year-old who probably has a master's degree in something, who is going to try to pretend to be another 12-year-old and is just going to have this whole pretext conversation set up that your kid is just going to fall into step by step.
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It's not a fair fight for your kids.
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So one of the things that you need to understand with these digital platforms is they open up the opportunity for conversations to happen.
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So it's not like somebody's going to pop into your child's DM and they're just going to say, hey, send me an inappropriate picture.
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There's a conversation that happens with it.
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It's not, that's not where they start.
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They start at hello and they start hey, I liked your picture of this.
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Oh, were you fishing last weekend?
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That's great, I like to fish too.
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Hey, you look good in a bathing suit.
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And so then it just kind of spirals out of control.
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Hey, send me another picture from your fishing trip, you know.
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Hey, do you have one where you're in your bathing suit, that sort of thing?
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And so that's where the conversation just kind of starts to take a different tone than where it started.
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And so again, these predators will try to contact as many kids as possible and they learn from all of their failures.
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They're like, oh well, that didn't work, that didn't work, that didn't work.
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So instead I'm going to change things up now and I'm going to try this.
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So they're perfecting their craft every single day.
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This is what they do.
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So really, you've just got to control those conversations.
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Now I know that, like, kids are probably going to want to say, hey, I can deal with this, I know what to do.
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But when they start having really personal conversations where they ask hey, can I see a particular outfit that you wore?
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What school do you go to?
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You're really mature for your age.
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Those are those red flag aspects of these conversations that kids need to know about and parents need to tell their kids about.
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Yeah, exactly Now, like you mentioned too, I mean through the social dynamics.
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It plays a huge part because a lot of these not only apps but, like you mentioned, the video games and so on there is that communication component.
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Now, many years ago, when I started doing these sessions after school, doing a meeting with parents and so on, it was very interesting that how parents were just very shocked as to what is happening or what could happen.
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Where, you know, you get those little talks and say, hey, if you do this or you know whatever, I'll send you, like these Xbox bucks, or I'll send you these, you know whatever currency there is for a game and, like you mentioned, you know trying to match wits with an adult that has a fully developed brain and, like you mentioned, very well educated with and a very excited 12 year old that says, oh my gosh, I'm going to get 100, you know Robux or whatever it is.
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I mean they just think of, like man, I'm going to get the next skin or I'm going to get this for access to this, and they completely just, you know, forget about that danger that they're putting themselves in because they're getting that other thing in exchange, like, oh my gosh, I've got a hundred bucks here that I can go ahead and spend on what I like.
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So I want to ask you you know how, and parents, and because many times during these sessions there are plenty of resources that are out there, but many times I think for a lot of parents it can be very overwhelming.
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So I want to ask you, in your experience and, of course, what you've learned through your guests or any kind of resources, what would be maybe, let's say, the top three things that you can share with parents on how to open up these conversations and, you know, help their child understand the dangers in just simply trading, like that innocent picture, for these hundred bucks or 50 bucks, you know worth, of whatever it is for their video game or for their app.
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Sure.
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So the first thing that you really have to do and I was very fortunate I fell into this conversation when my son was very young and that was you don't take pictures without your clothes on.
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That's not something that you do.
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No child should do that, and so I had that foundation with him of that there are good pictures and that there are bad pictures.
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There's actually kids' books written about this sort of stuff.
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Depending on the age of your child, if you want to read one of those with them, it's a great way to kind of introduce that sort of thing.
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But you need to tell them what makes a good picture and what makes a bad picture.
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And we don't do it without our clothes on.
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We don't take pictures of us, you know, without our shirt on, even though our pants may be on if it's a male, that sort of thing.
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So laying that foundation early on for, hey, the expectation is for you growing up that you don't take pictures without your clothes on that is like a household rule, that is a family rule and that's how we hold ourselves.
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So number one, I think, would be that.
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Number two a lot of parents are afraid that if they even broker this conversation, that they're going to ruin their child's innocence and that fear holds a lot of people back.
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So I would tell parents you have to have this conversation.
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I've had it.
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I worked myself up to it for a couple of days and I found the opportunity and it was just a blessing to have that conversation.
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So you don't want to sit there and just not be ready for it.
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You've got to think about it, you've got to pray about it.
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You've got to try to find some examples of what's going on.
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You know your child, you know how they learn what's going to stick with them.
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So, like I was, recently, I had a guest on, and whoever it was just slipped my brain and I apologize.
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But they said if you were to go to a job interview, you would prepare for that conversation, right?
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Well, you need to prepare for this conversation too that you're going to have with your kids, and so be ready and recognize the opportunity when that comes up.
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And what you don't want to do is like sit your kids down on the couch and say, all right, kids, I'm going to tell you about sexual predators and all this stuff and just completely scare them.
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That's not the point.
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Generally, you can have this conversation.
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When you're in the car, like you know, you're both just having windshield time, out the front You're maybe waiting for soccer practice to start and you just say, hey, I read this story about this poor girl who was abducted after meeting this guy on roblox and I I don't want that to happen to you, because I love you and because I care about you.
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That's why we say that you can't have conversations.
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We've turned all the chat features off, because you also have to justify what you're doing and when you let your kids in on why these things are happening and that you're just not being this.
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You control freak of a parent.
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When they know what the dangers are, they appreciate the fence.
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So that's just one of the ways that you need to take a look at it.
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You need to take an ownership of that conversation and just be ready for it, and you can have it at any age.
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It really does depend on the maturity level of your kid.
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You know when they're ready and you don't have the conversation once.
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You introduce this topic once, but you continue to follow up on it.
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You don't just let it.
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Oh well, I talked to him when he was seven.
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He's fine at the age 13.
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He's probably not going to remember all that.
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You know she's not going to remember all of that.
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You know her choices in fashion have changed and boys have changed and all that sort of stuff.
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You have to change that conversation with them as they grow up.
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So that's like the big stuff that I would tell parents what they need to do in having these conversations.
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And having had this conversation and continue to have it with my son, it's not as big a deal as you think.
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After you're done you're going to be like, wow, that actually went really well.
00:21:04.013 --> 00:21:05.116
I'm so glad that I did it.
00:21:05.116 --> 00:21:06.307
Will it be perfect?
00:21:06.307 --> 00:21:18.327
Probably not, but your intent is good and they'll know that they're appreciated and loved Exactly and I think that's something that's very important that you hit on, andy, is that having that open communication.
00:21:18.608 --> 00:21:24.413
And so a couple of things that I do want to highlight is number one, really, in preparing yourself for that conversation.
00:21:24.413 --> 00:21:45.386
It's either you know you have that conversation with them or somebody else is going to have that conversation with them, or they've already had that conversation and maybe it didn't go as well as you thought you know, because it's with somebody else and they're trying to do whatever it is that they're trying to do to make sure that they get what they want from your child, and so that's the dangerous aspect.
00:21:45.386 --> 00:22:12.927
So it'd be very important to just say, hey, as the parent, let me be the first to talk to you about this, as awkward as it may seem, but, like you said, maybe it's going to seem awkward at first, but when you do open up that communication and you're both having and talking about this together, I think that builds a bigger bond and a bigger relationship there, and always the child understanding like, okay, you know, this is why which is my next point that I love that you said it's not just give me the phone, I'm going to take it away.
00:22:12.927 --> 00:22:13.831
Well, why?
00:22:13.831 --> 00:22:18.568
Well, I'm just take it away because I don't want you texting, I don't want you doing this, I don't want you to do that.
00:22:18.568 --> 00:22:27.864
But in explaining and saying, hey, look, you know we want you to do that.
00:22:27.826 --> 00:22:29.119
But in explaining and saying, hey, look, you know we're going to go ahead and, you know, disable these features.
00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:30.106
But let me explain to you why.
00:22:30.106 --> 00:22:36.862
I want to make sure that you understand that at your age and so on, and you know, because of that fear and just having that open explanation for them, I think that makes a big difference too as well.
00:22:36.862 --> 00:22:41.809
And oftentimes I know myself, growing up, it was always like, no, I'm just going to take it away, and why?
00:22:41.809 --> 00:22:42.391
Well, I know myself.
00:22:42.391 --> 00:22:44.272
Growing up, it was always like, no, I'm just going to take it away, and why?
00:22:44.292 --> 00:22:46.194
Well, just because I am your father and I am the one that pays for this.
00:22:46.536 --> 00:22:47.477
Well, why, but?
00:22:47.477 --> 00:22:50.800
And instead of that, just really having those conversations.
00:22:50.800 --> 00:22:58.394
But I think, going back to your number one rule, which is obviously.
00:22:58.394 --> 00:22:59.984
Don't take any pictures that are inappropriate or can seem very inappropriate.
00:22:59.984 --> 00:23:18.674
This is one of the biggest conversations that I have with the parents that I work with, as many students are involved in sports and some sports require, you know, less clothing or wardrobe, such as swimming, you know their bathing suits, things of that sort.
00:23:19.144 --> 00:23:27.010
I always tell parents look, you know, I know that you love what your child has done or if they've accomplished, if the team won something.
00:23:27.010 --> 00:23:32.489
But I said, ask yourself too, is this picture OK to post?
00:23:32.489 --> 00:23:36.176
Would your child be OK with you posting this picture?
00:23:36.176 --> 00:23:44.944
Because they may be, you know, from their torso up still be, you know, without a shirt because they're in swimming, and then, of course, they've got their trunks on and everything.
00:23:44.944 --> 00:23:47.672
We want to make sure and I help them understand.
00:23:47.692 --> 00:24:14.309
You know there are some terrible people out there and with technology as advanced as it is, with a lot of these AI apps that can easily just remove any bit of clothing that anybody has, bit of clothing that anybody has you're definitely opening that up for some trouble, because people can just go in, save pictures and I even share with them an article from many years ago as far as the dark web and how these pictures are traded.
00:24:14.891 --> 00:24:18.905
You know, amongst people and you know it's heinous.
00:24:18.905 --> 00:24:20.288
I mean, it's something that's terrible.
00:24:20.288 --> 00:24:32.829
So just having that precaution and obviously sending pictures to another, you know, either students or anybody else that can also just be very harmful and very detrimental to them.
00:24:32.829 --> 00:24:44.198
So it's coming to them too, and my side is I don't want them to close any doors to their future that they may have based on one bad decision.
00:24:44.198 --> 00:25:06.167
You know, all it takes is either one bad tweet, one bad picture, one bad comment, something that somebody else posts because out of jealousy or out of spite, that can close an opportunity for that student to go to college or the college that they want or a job that they want, because all of that comes back and haunts them.
00:25:06.167 --> 00:25:30.020
The other thing that I do share with parents also is here in my area, in my geographic area, we in the Hispanic community, we love to throw parties for everything, and so there are many parents here that throw parties, and there's just something about just seeing a red solo cup that gives you a specific kind of connotation.
00:25:30.481 --> 00:25:32.507
So I always tell parents too as well.
00:25:32.507 --> 00:25:49.800
I said, look, although there may not be anything in that cup, but based on the company that is around, where the setting, where it is that you're at, please be very careful of the types of pictures that are being taken of your child or anything at all.
00:25:49.800 --> 00:26:08.136
You as adults I mean you're adults, but for your child, because it's all about perception you don't know how somebody may interpret that picture and say, oh, look at them, they've got their red solo cup, even though it could be Sprite water, orange juice or not even anything on it, but it's just those things.
00:26:08.136 --> 00:26:28.882
So those are some of the things that I share with parents on how to protect themselves and also even be aware of who you invite to these parties and just kind of scoping the place out, like you said, being very aware of who's where, who's taking pictures and why they might be taking pictures in certain areas, depending on the type of party.
00:26:28.882 --> 00:26:43.086
That this is because I tell them, believe it or not, you know you might even need to be very careful with your very own family members thinking like, hey, this is very awkward, why are they taking pictures, why are they hanging around there in those areas?
00:26:43.587 --> 00:26:59.020
So that comes back, I know, not so much in the digital but here in the real world, but it's just those conversations that need to be had and for parents to really just say, hey, you know, I need to do the same if I'm willing to take care of my child here in person.
00:26:59.161 --> 00:27:09.798
You know, amongst these people that are surrounding us in this significant scenario or particular scenario, I should say I should do the same, even if they're online, and protect them.
00:27:09.798 --> 00:27:11.712
So I think that's very important there.
00:27:11.712 --> 00:27:38.650
Now, andy, with your experience and I know you said you've had this talk with your child as well and so I'm pretty sure that they're very knowledgeable as to what to do, what not to do but I want to ask you, with your experience and with the guests that you've had, what are some of the flags that parents can look out for that there might be something happening with their child, maybe with their interactions.
00:27:38.650 --> 00:27:46.173
What are some things that they can look out for to say, hey, I need to have a conversation, I need to have a talk, quick and intervene.
00:27:47.135 --> 00:27:53.736
Right, great question, and there's a lot of things to actually look out for, and most of them are just your child's behavior.
00:27:53.736 --> 00:28:08.673
The first thing that you need to look out for is if your child let's say they're obsessed with Xbox and you have let them have conversations with strangers and stuff like that, and all of a sudden they don't want to play Xbox anymore.
00:28:08.673 --> 00:28:10.190
You know like, oh, they loved it.
00:28:10.190 --> 00:28:12.010
You know they spent all their birthday money on it.
00:28:12.010 --> 00:28:15.070
This is all that they wanted, and now, three weeks later, that they don't want to touch it.
00:28:15.070 --> 00:28:29.456
Something bad happened and that could be like cyber bullying, it could be all sorts of stuff, but that's one of those red flags of like, ok, this kid once loved this thing, they don't love it anymore and that's, they fell out of love with it pretty quick.
00:28:29.456 --> 00:28:32.721
Something has happened and I just need to go talk to them about it.
00:28:32.721 --> 00:28:46.376
Another thing is and the advice is good, but I feel like it's a little late and people are like, oh, if your child's grades go down, that could be like if they were a B student.
00:28:46.376 --> 00:28:49.881
Now they're pulling out C's and D's and F's and that sort of stuff.
00:28:49.881 --> 00:28:59.217
You know that could be a sign that you know somebody is being abusive towards them and it is, but you don't need to wait for, like, the nine weeks report card to do that.
00:28:59.545 --> 00:29:04.848
There are other signs that you can look for, and that is you know, maybe they're not smiling as much as they were.
00:29:04.848 --> 00:29:06.532
They're not talking about their friends.
00:29:06.532 --> 00:29:11.692
They are, you know, choosing to like not let go of their phone.
00:29:11.692 --> 00:29:18.691
That's a big one If they've got a phone and they don't want to let you see it, or they, you know, try to sleep with it under their pillow.
00:29:18.691 --> 00:29:19.992
That sort of thing.